


A World of My Own

by liddell_alien



Series: Love Crimes [3]
Category: Alice In Wonderland - Lewis Carroll, American Horror Story, American Horror Story: Hotel, Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Blood and Gore, F/F, F/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Multiple Personalities, Sexual Tension, Smut, Suicide Attempt, This is My Design, Triggers, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-04
Updated: 2016-02-09
Packaged: 2018-05-11 18:50:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 17,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5638033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liddell_alien/pseuds/liddell_alien
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bedelia survived Hannibal, and she is now staying at the Hotel Cortez, with an empty soul and a glass full of whiskey in her hand.<br/>When she met the Countess, she has the possibility to change her life forever.<br/>Meanwhile, Hannibal and Will are dealing with their new friend. Hannibal is trying to make Alice the perfect daughter for them, but Will can't stop thinking about how she's not Abigail.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Marry the Night

Fumes of alcohol were hanging in the stale air; the lights were too bright and the chattering was too loud.

Everybody was too drunk, too euphoric and she was drinking her fifth shot of whiskey and wasn’t even tipsy yet.

Her body was betraying her like everything else in life.

Sitting in a crowded bar, in the middle of the night, Bedelia Du Maurier realised the only thing she wanted in life was to die.

At first, she thought it was boredom – after all that had happened in the past year and a half, a few months of normality were all she wanted and needed, then it became clear to her that a simple life wasn’t her cup of tea. She wanted more, she needed more.

She missed the rush of adrenaline that invaded her body in dangerous situations. She missed the madness.

Bedelia began to realise that crazy people were like fuel to her soul. They made her feel better, without psychosis in her life, she felt empty – worthless.

This time, last year, she met a young woman that didn’t change her life, but she definitely twisted it a little. After Will Graham and Hannibal Lecter cut off her leg and she escaped, she kept hiding and running – metaphorically, of course. But when she met Alice, she wasn’t running anymore, she was heading to the only place she was sure to be safe… and that turned out to be the worst place to go to, obviously.

She thought she had learned her lesson, but no… she had to let that woman in, she had to share _something_ with her, something that she herself wasn’t sure what it was. And then, one night, after all they’d been through, she was simply gone…

Hannibal had kept them hostage for days, after he found them. She knew he and Alice shared something too. Hannibal gave something to her, something she could never give her – a taste of her past.

Alice was a lost cause, she was hopeless. And yet Bedelia managed to help her look forward, to think about her future… and she knew Alice was scared of what life could have given her. The future was scary and dark, the past was safe and clear.

Hannibal offered her that, and she chose the easy way. At least the majority of her did.

Trying to shake that thought out of her mind, Bedelia brought the sixth glass of whiskey to her lips. She promised to herself not to think about her anymore. She was in the past, long digested, perhaps. She tried to warn her, she didn’t listen. She never did…

Hannibal found her interesting, funny, maybe. How could he not? She had a dozen people talking inside her head, telling her what to do, each one crazier than the other. It was a feast for Hannibal’s obsessive need of controlling other people’s lives.

She told her he would have killed them both eventually, and when they managed to escape, she could hardly believe it… and the fool ran straight back into his arms like a lost child.

Too bad for her if she was dead.

The auburn liquid burnt her throat and she closed her eyes, fighting the itchy sensation behind them.

Amazing how a sober self was able to keep the memories of Alice away from her mind, but after the third whiskey, Bedelia started to smell her scent in the air – with a bit of luck, by the end of the seventh or eighth glass, she would probably not even remember her face.

It was the same ritual every night, for the past four months.

Moving from New Orleans to Los Angeles was almost useless, she couldn’t run from herself or the memories that haunted her dreams.

She needed a distraction.

As soon as that thought crossed her mind, she sensed the air shifting and bringing a new scent. It was fresh and bittersweet. It came from the woman that had just sat next to her, and gestured the bartender to pour her another drink, and one for herself.

There it was, the seventh glass.

Bedelia wouldn’t usually accept drinks from a stranger, but that night was different, she guessed. She felt alone, emptier than usual, miserable.

The stranger was glowing. She had pale blonde hair and bright red lips that were smiling at her, but she remained silent. Bedelia felt a strange awe inside her; that woman looked younger than her, but she had the feeling she was older than she looked.

“Thanks,” she finally said when their drinks arrived.

Taking her Martini glass with a gloved hand, the stranger twisted her lips in an hypnotic little smile. “I like my guests to be satisfied”.

“Your guests?” Bedelia’s voice sounded more surprised than she intended to, she blamed it on the alcohol in her system.

With a low sigh, the blonde woman gestured her hand throughout the room, “I own this hotel. You’ve been staying here for a week now”.

That information made Bedelia feel both uncomfortable and intrigued. “Were you spying on me?”

The eternal smile on the woman’s lips didn’t flinch, but a light sparkled inside her eyes, for a brief moment. “I smelled you the moment you entered those doors, I could trace you in a crowded room”.

“All right…” curiosity was gone, she was just uncomfortable now. “Thank you for the drink, but I think I should go now”.

“I know what you are,” the stranger said and that made Bedelia cringe – as she was trying to leave her seat, the other woman blocked her, grabbing her wrist she yelped. “Don’t be afraid,” she added immediately, in the kindest voice. “I want to help you, I can feel your sadness. It tastes like dried flowers…”

A million questions were rumbling inside Bedelia’s head, as she was trying to find a way to escape from the situation – but there was something in the woman before her that was addictive. While her head was yelling at her to run, her heart was telling her to stay. She didn’t know if she could trust her.

The last time she trusted a stranger in a bar, it ended up with her and Alice trapped and almost killed by Hannibal and Will.

“How can you help me?” she asked, deciding to trust her heart once again. It was beating furiously inside her ribcage, she could feel her blood rushing through her veins, as adrenaline was making her feel alive, for the first time in days.

“Hold onto that feeling,” the woman said, as she could read her mind. “I can give you that, for as long as you wish. You won’t be scared, ever again” she paused, looking straight into her eyes. “I can give you eternal beauty” as she spoke those words, she raised a gloved hand to caress Bedelia’s cheek and she followed the motion with her eyes.

What she said, was unbelievable and stupid – but she sensed the truth behind those words, and that frightened her. “What do you want from me?” she asked, because she knew that _nothing_ was free in this world. And the greater the gift, the higher the price was to pay.

The gloved hand reached her heart, it paused against her chest and Bedelia shivered. She didn’t mean to, but the stranger was beautiful. Hugged in a red dress, the same shade of her lips, with her hair curled and tied in an elegant bun, with white gloves and shiny jewellery. Bedelia let her stare fall on her décolleté for a split second, then it rose to her eyes again – waiting for her answer.

As she spoke, the stranger didn’t remove her hand from her chest, her heart was pounding under her touch. “Something very special is pumping through your veins,” she said and leaned forward. Bedelia’s breath got stuck in her throat, as the woman spoke softly into her ear. “All I want is a taste of it, whenever I want”.

When she stepped back, the stranger’s eyes were shining with mischievousness intent..

Bedelia had no idea what she was thinking, she was confused – by the alcohol and the woman before her. She didn’t know what to do, but she knew that she needed something new in her life. She needed a reason to live, and even if it was reckless, that offer sounded like everything she needed.

Stretching her arm to hold her cane, Bedelia nodded in agreement and she took the other woman’s arm when she offered it to her. Together they left the bar, heading towards the elevator, every single eye in the room followed them.

Whatever happened to her now, she didn’t care anymore. It was either death or eternal life – they were the same in her eyes, it was better than nothing.

* * *

New York’s lights were winking at her, as she sat on the windowsill and brought her legs to her chest, resting her chin on her knees.

A melancholic feeling was clenching her heart in a powerful grip and it was almost unbearable. Most days, she didn’t care – but there were days when she felt like a completely different person.

Alice had no idea who she was anymore. One day she was Alice, the next day she was the Rabbit, then she was the Hare. Some days were like black holes in her mind – she had lost many of them, having no idea what she had done.

She felt a hand on her shoulder but she didn’t flinch; she recognised the smell of expensive cologne and she smiled at the man who sat next to her with his back to the window. “It’s bad for your health” said Hannibal, eyeing the joint she held between her index and middle finger.

Alice blinked slowly, sighing. “I’m sad, I was just trying to forget a bit more” she replied, looking outside. She started following the cars in the distance, until they were just a tiny shiny dot.

“And you intend to do that using this?” he said, in a cold – yet surprisingly kind tone.

Alice shrugged, “I had nothing better” she replied, taking a puff from it. “I couldn’t sleep, I tried to look for some pills but I couldn’t find any. I was honestly hoping for something stronger” her voice was weak, she almost didn’t recognise it.

Hannibal pursed his lips, studying her carefully. “You miss her,” he said, in the end and it wasn’t a question.

Alice knew he knew and said nothing; eventually, she closed her eyes and let her arms slide across her legs, she closed her fingers around her ankles – she was losing weight. “I do,” she confirmed, but then she added: “I know that you don’t really care”.

“I do care,” said Hannibal in a serious tone and she couldn’t help but smile.

Something warm hugged her heart, but it was just a second, it had already passed when she spoke again. “You care about me being sad, but you’re not intendig to do anything about it” she said, “You’re keeping me away from Bedelia, you know she wants me in her life and you have taken me away from her. She is suffering and that is your goal, and even if I am suffering too… that’s just the collateral damage you’re willing to pay” Alice sighed, lowering her head and pressing her forehead to her knees. “I don’t care” she said in a cold voice, “as long as I am here, she’ll stay alive and I don’t mind your company, honestly”.

Hannibal stayed quiet for several minutes, his voice seemed concerned when he spoke again. “You haven’t been this lucid in a while”.

Alice scoffed. “I know… that’s why I wanted to get a little high, but this thing is useless” she raised the hand with the joint, and smiled bitterly.

“Do you want me to make you some tea?” he offered, and she nodded.

Hannibal left the windowsill, and he reached his hand out to help Alice on her feet. “Can you give me something to sleep too?”

Alice knew his tea was special, and she really wanted to rest a little. She needed to unplug for a while… she needed to go to Wonderland to recharge, and forget about reality.

“Everything will be better after a nice cup of tea,” said Hannibal with a smile and Alice smiled back, following him into the kitchen. “But first,” he said and she frowned, “since you’re here, I’d like to talk to you for a while, if you don’t mind”.

Alice had to know this was coming, there was no way she could avoid it. “Of course,” she forced a smile on her lips, heading to the kitchen table, but Hannibal stopped her.

“Not here,” his hands were busy preparing the tea, but his eyes were fixed on her. “Wait for me in the living-room”.

The kitchen was big, and its lighting was better. It smelled good and it felt safe. The living-room was dark, claustrophobic  and it smelled like dogs.

Without complaining, Alice left the kitchen and entered the other room, heading towards her small armchair, in front of the more spacious sofa – but that was Hannibal’s spot and she couldn’t sit on it.

A ticking sound echoed in the corridor, and then a small Corgi dog entered the room, probably awoken by the noises Alice made.

The dog eyed her wiggling its tail, then it approached Alice barking happily. She loathed that damn dog. It was her mother’s dog, before she killed her – then Will adopted it, and now it was stuck with them. “Hi, sweet girl!” Alice’s voice was kind and friendly when she spoke. “Hop, hop. On the sofa, come on!” the dog barked again, and hopped clumsily onto the sofa, with her short legs. “Good girl!”

Hannibal entered the  room shortly after, but stopped in the doorframe. A disappointed look appeared in his eyes when he spotted the Corgi sitting on the sofa. “Did you allow Alana on the sofa, Alice?”

The woman shrugged, a serious expression on her face. “I told her not to, but she never listen to me”.

With a stern voice, Hannibal ordered the dog to get off the sofa, and she jumped off whining and with her tail between her legs.

Proud with herself, Alice tried not to show it, hiding her smile. “Can’t we get a cat?” she asked, but Hannibal shook his head, taking his place in front of her.

He was sitting with his back straight and his legs crossed. She was slouched on her armchair, tapping the point of her shoes together, rhythmically.

“Alice, please, would you sit like the lady you are?” the voice that Hannibal used with her was the same a father would have used with a stubborn daughter.

Alice did as she was told – she wasn’t a spoiled child, she just wanted people to pay attention to her and tell her what to do, when to do it. She was feeling a little light headed, but she was herself, for the first time in days.

“Tell me about your escape from the mental hospital”.

That request surprised Alice a lot, she was sure Hannibal knew everything about it. Fixing her stare on the chandelier hanging above their heads, Alice smiled to herself. “We’ve talked about it before,” she said.

Hannibal’s voice arrived distant to her ears, as the lights from the chandelier were sparkling a little too bright. “That is true, but you never told me about it from your point of view”.

“That is true,” she mocked him and then closed her eyes. _Be yourself, Alice. Be who you are. You know who you are_. “I’m sorry… okay,” she sighed and looked at him, his face never changed. “I was in confinement…” she started, looking down at her feet.

“Will you tell me why?”

“It was after the fire at the theatre” she said, “One of the nurses, Rachel, she brought me to see a show in a small theatre. I was a good patient, I was kind and calm… so my doctor agreed and we went there” memories of her past filled her mind, she had to focus on her present in order to keep talking. “But I didn’t like the show, so I went to talk to the actors and I found a man dressed like a rabbit tied to a chair. I stabbed his eye with a pen, and then I stabbed his throat with another pen”.

“Do you remember what you said to him? Before killing him?”

“I think I said, ‘now you too have something in common with a raven and a writing desk’, or something like that…” it was very fuzzy, that particular memory. Maybe because she wasn’t herself, then.

“What did you do after you killed him?”

“I was behind him so my dress didn’t get stained, but my hands were dirty, so I went to the bathroom to wash them. I placed my stuffed rabbit on the sink, I washed my hands, and them some firemen came in, telling me there was a fire and I had to leave… but I left my rabbit on the sink” she looked down at her empty hands and she felt as if she had been punched in the stomach. “My rabbit,” she whispered. “Where’s my rabbit?”

“It’s okay, Alice” Hannibal’s calm voice guided her to reality once more. “Your rabbit is in your bedroom, he cannot be present at your sessions. What we say here, it is strictly between doctor and patient, you know this…”

Alice nodded, trying to calm down. She was breathing hard, blinking furiously – _be yourself, Alice. Remember who you are. Be who you are_.

“I went pretty insane, later” she admitted, her voice went lower. “They had to lock me in, knock me out with sedatives”.

“What happened  then?”

“One night I woke up and there was a real rabbit on my bed. A fluffy, white rabbit with tiny red eyes. He hopped off my bed and told me to follow him, I did and the door was strangely unlocked… I met my Hatter in the common room. There was a song playing – _The Lobsters Quadrille_ , and we danced… and then he told me he would come the next morning, and he would let me out”.

“What happened the next morning?” his voice was so curious it made Alice smile.

 _He’s funny, I like him._ The Hare’s voice echoed inside her mind, and the smile disappeared. _Let me talk to him, Alice_.

“No” she said, very seriously.

“No?” Hannibal’s face was confused. No, not confused – intrigued.

“I wasn’t talking to you, sorry” she explained, “the Hare… he’s talking to me. He wants to talk to you but I don’t want to”.

“Why not?”

Feeling lost, Alice gulped. “Because I want to be me” she hated that feeling – not knowing who she was.

“Who are you?”

“I don’t know…” she babbled, “I don’t know anymore… I know who I am now, but I don’t know who I will be in an hour. I hate it… I can’t do it” breathing was hard at this point, she closed her eyes and tried not to cry, then she felt Hannibal’s hand on her own and a sob escaped her lips. “I’m Alice” she said, “and this is _my_ body. My mind might not be my own, but this is my body”.

“Are you sure?” he asked and she opened her eyes in fear. Her heart missed a bit, what did he mean by asking her that question?

Alice stared into the man’s eyes and something Bedelia told her a long time ago, popped inside her mind. _If you stare into the abyss, the abyss stares back at you. Don’t let him inside your head. Believe me, you don’t want Hannibal in your head_. “Yes… this is my body. Isn’t it?”

He let her go, sitting back in a normal position. “You say you hear voices inside your head” he told her, in his austere voice. “You are aware of having something called Dissociative Identity Disorder, or Multiple Personalities Disorder”.

She nodded, without speaking.

“Now, you know that those people – speaking to you, they’re real. It’s not just your imagination” she nodded again, “You say that you share your mind with them, but why not your body?”

“Because I am me! My mind can contain other people, but my body is mine! I lend it to them sometimes, but it’s mine!” her voice raised, she was starting to panic and found his eyes again. They were calming in an uncomfortable way.

“Don’t be nervous, it’s okay. I’m trying to help you understand” he said, and waited a moment before going on. “When you let them out, they are in control of your body. You are not responsible for their actions – sometimes, you don’t remember what they do”.

Alice didn’t like where the conversation was going, but she couldn’t help nodding. She agreed with what Hannibal was saying.

“You have to realize, Alice, that your body is just a host – you are just one of the voices that occupies it” he said, very calmly.

She blinked, her brain was processing his words. “But— I am me…”

“You are you now, and that is your body now. But when you become someone else, this body is someone else’s” he explained, looking straight at her.

She felt naked, it was like he could read her like an open book. No… it was like she was a blank page, and he was writing on it.

“I—” Alice had no words, she had to stay silent for a moment. “What do I have to do?” she asked, feeling more lost than ever.

Her only certainty in life – that she was Alice – was now in pieces. If she wasn’t Alice, who was she?

“You have always acted like a queen on a chessboard” he said, “you have to destroy your reign, Alice. You have to step back and become a pawn again, and let your kingdom become a democracy”.


	2. Sippy Cup

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Bedelia has her first taste of blood, something cracks in Hannibal's "perfect" family.

Hannibal was sitting on his sofa, it was dark outside the window, but it was barley 7 pm.

He was wearing one of his best suits, this was the last night they were spending in New York. Two weeks before, he’d asked Alice where she would like to go next, and she had suggested Los Angeles. They were leaving the following afternoon and everything was already packed, but there were a couple of things that he and Will had to do, before they could leave.

His partner was getting ready in their room, while his dog was quietly napping by Hannibal’s feet.

He was holding a quite crumbled sheet of paper in his hands, it was a letter and it was obvious that whoever wrote it, did it quickly and nervously.

His eyes rose briefly from the letter to Alice, who was standing in front of him – her hands behind her back, as she was childishly chewing on her bottom lip. Once Hannibal’s eyes were fixed on the paper again, he started reading in his mind.

_I’m begging you, whoever you are, don’t give this to Him._

_I’m Alice, he’s doing something to me. He’s not our friend. I was wrong, Bedelia was right. He’s not our friend, he is a bad person. He’s trying to play with our minds. Please, please, whoever it is that is reading this, listen to me, you have to go away._

_I’m too weak, I can’t control this body any longer, I can only do it while the Hare is asleep, but he doesn’t sleep much and the door is always locked at night._

_If you’re the Hare, please, don’t show this to Him. Hannibal is doing something to us, I don’t know what it is, but it’s not good._

_One day, we won’t amuse Him anymore and he will kill us._

_I was so wrong, I am so sorry. I put everyone in danger, I should have never followed Him, but now it’s not too late. Pack your bag and leave. You can dye your hair black, you can change your name. Let me out, let me help us. Please, I’ve done it before, I can help._

_Don’t drink the tea, whatever you do, don’t drink the tea and don’t take any pills._

_Rabbit, my sweet Rabbit, if you’re the one reading this letter, please forgive me. And if you’re out, and you cannot do anything about it, please kill us all. He won’t let you do anything. Hannibal knows He can’t trust you._

_Hare, please, think about what you’re doing. Hannibal is not the Hatter. He’s gone, and he won’t come back. You have to accept it and go on. We can have a new life, we can be happy again. Please, leave. Save us all._

_White Queen, if for whatever reason you happen to be the one in control, try to reason with the Hare. Don’t lock him up, he’s one of us, he has to understand Hannibal is not our friend, or he’ll try to come back to him as soon as he can._

_We have to survive this situation, we have to do it together. Death must be avoided, but it must be our final option… but eternal darkness is better than this, I know it._

_I’m so sorry I’ve realised it’s too late, but maybe we can still work this out._

_Forgive me._

Hannibal finished reading and his eyes rose on Alice again, she was staring at him in confusion. “So?” her pitched voice asked as she frowned. “What does it say?”

Little Rose had found the letter under her bed, but she told him she couldn’t read cursive letters and she asked him to read it to her. Lucky enough that the six-year-old girl had found the letter before any other of her personalities, thought Hannibal.

He smiled at her in a paternal way. “This is grownups stuff, Rose” he told her, and she looked disappointed. “Why don’t you go to your room? Will and I have to finish preparing the last details of our trip”.

* * *

Will was ready, and he was at the door. Alice was sitting on the sofa, watching television. They used to park her in front of it, while they were out. Hannibal didn’t like the idea very much, but since Little Rose and the Hare were the ones that were mostly out, and they were also the most distractible ones, it was the better option.

“Say it,” he told Hannibal, before he could leave the house. “Please,” he added. Will’s eyes found Alana under the table, she knew they were leaving for the night and she also knew that she was going to be alone with Alice. The Corgi was always upset when they left.

“Rose?” Hannibal called, and she turned her head to him. “Promise me you won’t hurt Alana”.

Alice nodded smiling, “I promise”.

Hannibal smiled in return, amused, and he faced Will with a smug expression on his face. “See?” he asked, with a sarcastic tone. “She’s a good girl”.

Will felt a tinge of fear in his stomach, Alice freaked him out. He looked at the dog for one last time, before he closed the door behind them, hoping that nothing would happen to his little girl. He knew Rose and the Hare always did what Hannibal told them to do.

* * *

As soon as the door was closed, Rose got up to her feet and she smiled in delight. She turned her back to the television and she faced the little Corgi under the table. “See?” she asked the dog. “I’ve been a really good girl!” she sounded really happy. “I’ve been a good girl, right?” she asked, this time to no one in particular.

“You’ve been amazing,” a voice came from behind her back, and when she turned around, a person that looked exactly like her was standing just two steps from her. “Rose, now let me out”.

“I gave him the letter and I told him to read it to me, just like you asked, Alice” Rose clapped her hands and squirmed cheerfully.

Alice smiled at her, and she stepped forward. “I know, you’ve been amazing. Let me out, I’ll take care of the rest”.

It took her a couple of seconds to do it, but once her mind was relaxed, they swapped bodies and Alice was the one standing in the room, holding the remote and Little Rose was the one next to the television.

They had to be quick. Hannibal was sure he knew what was going on inside her head, and he thought he was ahead of them, but he wasn’t. Alice was in control now, and she wanted to leave.

Everyone wanted to leave, except for the Hare, of course, but Little Rose had been really helpful, she was stronger than expected. Hannibal was sure Alice knew nothing about her, but they shared their memories and swapped almost instantly.

While packing her bags, Alice heard a voice behind her. She could see a tall man in a black suit, with a big rabbit head instead of a human one. “I don’t understand why we can’t stay and kill those two, after all they’ve done”.

“It’s too dangerous,” it wasn’t Alice, but another voice. She turned her back and another version of her – with pink and blue hair, and a third eye on her forehead – was standing inside the mirror, looking at them. She knew her, she had started having hallucinations of the Unicorn two weeks before, she was the one who suggested the letter and the escape plan. “We don’t need to kill anybody, we just have to leave safely”.

“Can’t we at least kill the fucking dog?” Alice turned her head quickly to the window, where another version of her was sitting placidly on the windowsill, using her hand as a paw to clean her right ear.

“No,” the Unicorn said, calmly. “The dog hasn’t done anything to us”.

“But she’s fucking annoying” this time, it was Alice, and she turned to the Rabbit. “What do you think?”

“I don’t care about the dog. I want to kill Will and Hannibal” he turned to the mirror. “It’s them or nothing”.

“Nothing,” the Unicorn seemed convinced, and the Cat sighed, as she disappeared into thin air.

She appeared again, this time with a terrified mouse in her paws. “I think we need a weapon,” the mouse squealed, and the Cat nodded, looking down at the poor shivering creature. “I think we need a knife, or something”.

Mr. Mouse was right, thought Alice, as she closed her bag and left the room, heading towards the kitchen.

Once she was inside, she looked for a knife she could easily hide somewhere, but when she took a hold on a slim kitchen knife, she stopped for a second, thought about it and then stabbed herself in her hand, nailing herself to a wooden cupboard.

A painful cry left her lips, and she heard barking.

With her other hand, she took the knife out and looked for a towel to wrap her hand with, but she was pushed against the cupboard and she hit her head against it. “Stop!” she screamed, as tears of pain started rolling down her cheeks, and blood was dripping onto the floor.

“You really think I am this stupid?” another voice echoed in the room, and she saw him. An ugly, old hare was standing on his back paws, on the kitchen table. One of his ears was half bitten off, and his fur was dark and dirty. “You think I would let you and your friends leave like this?” he screamed, and Alice hit her head again against the cupboard. She smelled blood in her mouth. “We. Are. Not. Leaving!” with every word, Alice hit her head against the cupboard, harder. She was in tremendous pain, and the room started to spin around her.

“Rabbit…” she whispered, but the Hare lifted a paw and Alice lifted the knife again, she cut her palm slowly and deep. “Your Rabbit won’t help you,” she heard her own voice telling herself.

“Rabbit…” she repeated, ignoring the Hare, “plan B” she said, and sobbed.

The Hare jumped down the table, angrily. “What?” he asked, and stabbed Alice again on her thigh and she screamed. Alana was barking and running around. “What’s plan B?” he asked, and Alice pretended not to listen.

She focused hard on her precious Rabbit, she needed him.

He was there, and he took her place and he could take the pain better than she did. He rose his head and faced the Hare, and left the kitchen, leaving a trail of blood behind him. He went into the bathroom and took out a flacon of pills. He looked at Alice, through the mirror, with his eyes full of sorrow. “I’m sorry I have to do this again, but it’s the only way”.

 _I know_ , Alice’s voice echoed inside his head, as he put half of the flacon in his mouth, grabbed Rose’s favourite plastic glass and drank some water to help him swallow.

Death had to be avoided, but eternal darkness was better than this. Eternal darkness was better than Hannibal, they all agreed on this.

They weren’t going to be controlled again, there wasn’t going to be any Hatter anymore. That was their body, that was their mind, and if death was the only option to take, then they would have accepted it.

Now Alice knew what the Rabbit told her, months before, and she should have known. She should have let him kill them or left him to kill them when he first tried.

She had to trust her Rabbit, he was her only friend.

* * *

Blood was dripping from Bedelia’s mouth; she could feel it, hot and thick, rolling down her chin and falling onto the ground with a fine  _splash_ . She could hear every falling drop, the sound of them was echoing inside her head, as if it was the loudest sound in the room.

Blood was spraying on her skin, gushing from the deep wound the Countess cut into the nameless man’s neck.

Blood was staining the white sheets under their naked bodies, its strong scent was driving Bedelia insane. They were drinking together, her stomach was full… and yet she was still _so_ hungry. It was never enough.

That was it, that’s what she needed – her new lifeblood… literally. But this time she didn’t inject it in her vein, it wasn’t children’s blood.

She had no idea who the man was, she couldn’t care less.

The Countess’ pet was watching them feeding, he was sitting in front of the bed – sitting on an armchair as if it was his throne. Holding a glass of whiskey in his left hand and jerking off with his right one.

Bedelia couldn’t even remember his name. Daniel? Dorian? Donovan? It didn’t matter.

The dying man under her body exhaled his last breath, and in that precise moment, Bedelia felt the Countess’ hand slipping under her chin and lifting it up. Her eyes were mesmerizing, the deep red of the blood was shining on her face, her dark lipstick was smeared – she looked beautiful. “Never feed on the dead” she said, her voice warm and alluring. Then, the Countess leaned forward, never braking eye-contact, and slowly licked the blood from the corner of Bedelia’s mouth, forcing her tongue past the other’s lips.

With an euphoric smile, Bedelia kissed her back, succumbing to her strength and falling onto the mattress, ignoring the dead body next to her.

Straddling her, the Countess looked down at her with a satisfied expression on her face and she extended her hand to Donovan. He took her hand, joining them and kicked the dead man off the bed. The corpse rolled down the mattress, and landed on the floor with a thud.

He crooked his head to one side and looked into Bedelia’s eyes – his eyes were truly beautiful, blue and shiny. His hand reached her cheek and he caressed her, leaning forward and kissing the Countess, while making eye-contact with her. When their lips parted, he grinned with mischief at Bedelia’s expression.

“Sharing is caring,” the Countess whispered those words in her ear, they moved something inside her mind, she didn’t quite know what, but she lost herself in pure bliss when she kissed her again, arching her back into the man’s touch.

With their cold bodies intertwined, Bedelia lost contact with reality. She didn’t know where she was, how long it had lasted, or who was kissing her and where.

Sensations were mixing, new tastes and new smells, new sounds. Everything was new… she was reborn. Her old life was just a memory, her old acquaintances just shadows of the past.

She knew how addictive and powerful blood was, but this was different. She was high to another level, she was experiencing something she had never experienced before and she loved every bit of it… she couldn’t stop thinking about how beautiful life was now that she embraced the virus.

She didn’t care about anything else, she just needed to satisfy her hunger. The Countess told her that it wouldn’t have lasted much longer. Her body still needed to adapt to the new stimuli and the new urges.

When the Countess asked her about her missing leg, Bedelia told her part of the story – she didn’t need to go into details, and the Countess presented herself with a gift only a few days later. A new prosthesis, heavier, but more resistant. It was metallic, she couldn’t tell which kind. She showed her the secret compartments that were hidden in it. A sharp dagger, to kill her prey, a syringe to extract the blood if needed, and another tinier blade, for assurance. She loved it and she could walk in it almost effortlessly. She still needed to use her cane to walk properly in a new leg, but she had all the eternity to learn.

Many times, looking at the weapons hidden in her prosthesis, she thought about going after Hannibal and his twitchy bride but she decided that Hannibal Lecter was a closed chapter.

There wasn’t enough space for him in her new life. Going after him meant giving him the importance he didn’t have.

Her life was endless, now – and Hannibal wasn’t. One day, she didn’t care when, she would have stand on his grave, and she would have make a toast to him, because she wouldn’t be the person she was now, without his help.

She didn’t die when the Countess killed her to give her the virus. She died when she first let Hannibal inside her mind. She died when she first agreed to do his will. She died when Hannibal became her world. She died when she wrongfully thought that she was still in control of her actions… when she was actually a doll in his hands.

Yes, the Countess gave her the new life she was living, but she didn’t make her. No, her true maker was Hannibal; he changed her life forever, and she was grateful for that. After all the time she spent hating him, she finally understood how actually helpful, his contribution was, to let her become who she really was intended to be, from the moment of her birth.

The one regret she had, was that she wasn’t able to let him _see_ what his creation had become. The last time she saw him, he was deeply disappointed with her life choices, but now… he would have been proud.

* * *

It was dark and she could not breathe; Alice opened her mouth desperate for air, but only water came in. She struggled, realising that two big hands were holding her down. Opening her eyes, she couldn’t see anything but dancing lights, distorted and distant.

Confused, and scared – she realised she was going to die. Her heart beating furiously in her chest, would soon stop forever. Darkness was awaiting, the endless pit was calling for her.

As another two big hands held a grip on her arms, Alice focused on the tiny lights dancing before her eyes. She found herself wet and gaping, her lungs hurt tremendously – she was bent in half, coughing and vomiting water and gastric juices.

Voices were filling the air, but her ears were still full of water, she could only hear distant sounds, coming closer by the second.

“It’s all right,” a deep, comforting voice was speaking to her. She held onto that, hugging the strong arm that was keeping her on her feet. A gentle hand was stroking her hair, she suddenly realised that she was naked and shivering with cold and fear.

A warm cloth was immediately wrapped around her naked body; her fingers closed around the fabric, keeping it in place. She pushed herself into the figure that was holding her – desperate to absorb some human warmness.

Once Alice could see again, she realised she was in a bathroom – a bathroom she didn’t know.

Coughing, she lifted her head, finding Hannibal’s eyes looking at her with concern. “It’s all right,” he repeated, and Alice nodded weakly, trying to recover quickly.

She turned her head to the second presence in the room. Will was standing beside the bathtub, his sleeves rolled up to the elbows, he was breathless and wet with soap and sweat. He was staring at her with empty eyes.

“He tried to kill me!” Alice’s voice was hoarse, she found herself coughing convulsively again.

Hannibal’s hand was pressed against her back now, rubbing the cloth and warming her body. Will’s voice was distant and cold. “I was trying to save her. She was drowning”.

“Yes!” spit Alice with anger, trying to walk closer to him, but Hannibal’s arms were holding her tight. “I was drowning because you were holding me down!” she inhaled deeply, filling her lungs when she was short of air again. It hurt but she kept doing it; her legs and arms was starting to feel numb, her heart was slowing down, her head was pounding – she was about to faint, and she pushed her back to Hannibal, finding his arm around her waist as a support, when her legs gave up. “Where—?”

The bathroom was different, she didn’t recognise the place. Hannibal’s voice was calm and reassuring. “You have slept for almost three days, Alice. We have arrived in Los Angeles, this is our new home. I was about to give you a bath, when I left for ten minutes” he said and stopped, then continued, “I asked for Will to check on you while I was away”.

Alice lifted her head, resting it against Hannibal chest and she felt hot – angry – tears forming in the corners of her eyes. Tiny black dots were dancing around Hannibal’s face. “He tried to kill me…” she whispered, but then the adrenaline faded out, and her body gave up.


	3. Walking on Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice finally understands what's best for herself, with a little help from an unexpected friend.

“She was sleeping in the bathtub, she was sliding down…” Will’s voice was empty like his eyes; he followed Hannibal out of the bathroom like a loyal pet.

Alana was soon hopping around their feet, as Hannibal was carrying Alice’s body into her new room. “How many times do I have to remind you, Will?” he asked in a calm tone. “We won’t kill her, yet”.

“I wasn’t—” he started again, but then he gave up, sighing with frustration, “she was asleep in the bathtub, she was sliding down… I didn’t try to kill her, I just held her head underwater”.

Will could feel Hannibal’s glare on the back of his neck, it burned with judgment and admonition. “Go clean the bathroom, would you?” he ordered, and Will nodded – happy to leave the room.

Hannibal placed Alice’s body on her bed. He dried her and dressed her with her best dress. He felt her pulse, it was weak but it was there. He brushed her hair, styled it in two braids, and placed a woollen cover on her, to keep her warm.

“Everything hurts,” Alice’s voice was weak and distant. Memories started to come back to her mind, but they were clouded and strange, she wasn’t awake yet, it was probably just the ravings of a lunatic.

Hannibal brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, looking paternally concerned. “Democracy sometimes is hard to maintain” he said as if she could hear him – and maybe she could, then left the room, locking the door behind him.

A tear rolled down Alice’s cheek, when her mind was quite clear to understand what was happening. She knew he would check in on her an hour later, in the meanwhile he would prepared some tea to give her once she was fully awake again.

* * *

Will was sitting on the rim of the bathtub still full of water; the floor was wet, and so were his clothes.

He wasn’t cleaning up, he was thinking about what happened three days ago. He was thinking about how he forgot his wallet at home, and how Alana’s barking made him suspicious. He was thinking about the blood trail that lead him to Alice’s convulsing body on the floor, wriggling like a dying fish in a pool of her own vomit.

Instinct kicked in and he saved her, lifting her and putting two fingers in her mouth, making her vomit all the pills she had taken. He didn’t even know why he did it… but then, when she was alive and asleep in her bed, with Hannibal taking care of her, and he was standing alone in the bathroom – just like he was doing now – he realised the reason why he saved her, this time.

Memories flooded into his mind, as the scene took place in his head once again.

There was blood on the bathroom floor, but no pointy weapons in sight.

The blood trial lead to the kitchen, where there was a wider pool of blood on the floor.

There was blood on one of the cupboard’s doors, and a bloody knife on the ground.

Alice’s room was a mess, she had her backpack ready, not the suitcase Hannibal bought for her, it was her own backpack.

He was used to doing it, he was used to sneaking inside other people’s heads, but he had never met anyone like Alice. It was harder, more painful, more confusing.

Even now, just thinking about it, hurt and the pain he felt when it actually happened, was almost unbearable.

Will couldn’t stop but try and get inside that head, knowing it would be awful.

The backpack was on Alice’s bed, it was half ready. What had happened?

_I’m packing because I’m leaving, but something’s missing. I’m defenceless. I need something to use as a weapon._

_I know there are guns in the house, but they’re not my weapon of choice… so I go into the kitchen, where I know I can find a sharp knife to keep for myself._

_Now everything’s perfect but—_

His head hurt, a painful tinge in his brain, as if someone was drilling inside his left temple.

_I don’t want to go away, I like it here. So I stab the girl, I nail her to the cupboard. She must know that we are not leaving._

_She tries to escape, she is fighting back. I smash her head against the cupboard, but this time she is stronger than usual._

Another tinge of pain, this time it was his right temple. Will bit the inside of his cheeks and clenched his fists, breathing hard through his nostrils.

_Someone has stabbed me in the thigh and it hurts, but I can’t go back now. I have to do it. It’s the only way. I want to leave, I have to do it._

_So I leave the kitchen and I go into the bathroom. I take the pills, and I swallow them all. Because there aren’t any other ways to be finally free. This way, no one will hurt me anymore. This is my design._

The room spun around him and his head felt heavier, he had to stop – even remembering was too much now. How could she live with herself?

When he left the bathroom to go to the kitchen, he left a mess behind him, but he didn’t care.

He went to the kitchen, where a steaming cup of tea was waiting. He lifted it, and grabbed a plastic bag from one of the drawers.

Will didn’t knock on the door when he entered Alice’s room, and she didn’t complain. Awake and awaiting, Alice was sitting on her bed with her legs crossed. She was dressed nicely, in a pink pompous dress, and white stockings. Her hair was styled in two, long braids but her skin wasn’t perfect.

Her face was bruised, her hand was bandaged and he knew that under the white stockings, one of her thighs was also wounded.

Sitting beside her, he felt her eyes moving along with him. He didn’t like the way she was looking at him. Will offered her the cup of tea, she took it and then he placed the plastic bag on her lap.

“What’s that?” she asked, without any actual interest in her voice.

A deep breath followed her question, he wasn’t sure what to do, but he had always followed his guts, and he didn’t see why he should stop now. “It’s what Hannibal is giving to you” he said, whilst standing up. There was a thin white powder inside the plastic bag, it looked like sugar. “There’s enough in it to kill yourself, if you want”.

“I don’t” her reply was immediate, she didn’t think about it – not even for one second.

“I know,” Will lowered his eyes, he reached his hand to push his glasses on the bridge of his nose, realising he wasn’t wearing them, so he scratched his nose, instead.

“Then why?” she asked, looking away from him when Will raised his head again, “Why would you tell me such a thing if you know I won’t do it? Why did you try to kill me?”

Those questions were hard. Why, indeed? What the hell was he thinking? He clenched his jaw and his face looked like an emotionless mask, but he could feel beads of sweat forming at the base of his hairline, on his forehead. “I was trying to help,” his voice got stuck in his throat as he tried to breathe. He jerked his face away, looking at the window. White curtains were covering the window, he couldn’t see out onto the street.

“By killing me?” Alice’s voice distracted him, and he turned his head towards her, to face her again.

“What?” he asked, confused and the expression on Alice’s face reflected his confusion.

“I said…” she repeated, clearly annoyed, “did you want to help me, by killing me?”

“You clearly wanted to kill yourself, it wasn’t the first attempt” he had to push her a little, Will knew she wasn’t try to kill herself, well… she was, but it was more than that. Her mind was so complicated, he took his time to comprehend her – but, eventually, he did.

Alice lowered her head, and she stared at the almost completely healed wound on her wrist – the proof that she indeed tried to kill herself, not so long ago. “I never tried to kill myself,” she whispered. Will was surprised that she opened up with him, maybe she was just trying to prove him wrong. “I was trying to go away… but—”

“But someone in your head didn’t want to leave, so death was the only option” he finished her sentence, talking fast and without expression.

“It wasn’t the _only_ option,” she added harshly. “I could have hid inside my head, ignoring the outside world… no, death wasn’t the only option. It was the _best_ option. I wasn’t trying to run away from Hannibal… I was trying to run away from _him_ , from myself… I wanted to be free”.

“I thought you were afraid of dying”.

“I am,” her voice quivered. Alice died, and came back to life. It was something he would have never believed in, but after what he had seen with his own eyes… it wasn’t so unbelievable. “But, in the darkness… I was alone, I was peaceful. I hate it when the voices fight in my head, they never agree… and now that Hannibal told me that we have to be a democracy, I can’t— I can’t do it. They’re driving me insane…”

“You already are, Alice” Will told her, he didn’t mean to be rude, just realistic.

“Says the bride of Frankenstein,” she laughed him off, but he felt a shiver run through his spine.

That name brought memories back to him. “What did you just say?”

Alice lowered her head, playing with the end of her braids. “That’s what Bedelia used to call you. She once called you two Thelma and Louise, also. Not quite sure which one is who” a spontaneous smile hovered over her lips, like a ghost.

It was the first time that Will saw her smile, truly smile. It was the saddest thing he’d seen in weeks. “That’s what _I_ used to call her,” he corrected her, and Alice looked up.

Alice’s eyes were different from her alters’; he wasn’t very sure how, but they were. He didn’t know if she was the host, or just one of the voices in her head, but she surely was the strongest among them… even if she probably would differ.

They stayed quiet for a while. The tea was cold, the bag with the drugs was still lying on the bed, untouched.

He was sad for her. He hated her; no, not her – everybody else, yes, but Alice. Alice was okay, problem was… she wasn’t just Alice.

Hannibal wanted a family, he wanted travel with them, kill with them, enjoy life with them. But Alice wasn’t Abigail.

He once called her ‘Abigail’ instead if ‘Alice’, by mistake. Only, it wasn’t a mistake – Will was sure of it. He wanted to call her Abigail, he wanted to see if she’d ask questions. She did, and he answered. He told her about Abigail, about how she died, and she never asked about her again.

Alice was older than Abigail, but she looked younger. Maybe because Hannibal insisted in dressing her up like she was a china doll.

The first one to break the silence was Will, when silence started to ring in his ears. “Hannibal told you to be a democracy,” he started, unsure.

Shaking her head, Alice breathed heavily. “Didn’t work out. We wanted to leave, but the Hare wanted to stay, we’re never going to agree”.

“He’ll listen to Hannibal,” the March Hare loved Hannibal. He did everything Hannibal told him to do, he killed for him – he slaughtered for him, he hunted for him, and he had fun doing it.

Will once heard Alice’s soft sobs, while she was washing the blood off her hands, whispering to herself that it wasn’t her fault, that she didn’t mean to kill one of their victims, that she didn’t do it.

“So?” she asked, confused.

“You only need the majority of you to agree. If the Hare’s the only one to object, he can’t do anything about it. Hannibal told you to abolish monarchy” Will simply said. “You’re not a queen anymore, but he’s no king either” he waited to see if she had something to say, but when she didn’t, he continued. “Do you really want to leave?”

“Hannibal would never let me”.

“That’s not what I asked”.

“I—” she bit her lower lip, until it turned white. “I don’t want any more Hatters” she said. Closing her eyes, and breathing hard, Alice gripped the sheet under her hands, she was trying hard to stay herself, she didn’t want someone else to take her place. “I…” her voice was weak, Will could already hear the difference. “I don’t want any more Hatters” she repeated, and when she opened her eyes, she was still Alice. A wave of relief hit him, Will was glad he didn’t have to face anyone else. “He made me do things, he killed so many people. I don’t want to stand and watch, I want to _do_ something with my life”.

Will never had the chance to ask her if that meant that she didn’t want to commit murders anymore, or that she wanted to become her own serial killer, not be the cannibal’s sidekick – because he was distracted by Alana’s barks, and he realised Hannibal was already home.

Leaning forward to grab the plastic bag, Alice was quicker than Will, and she hid it under her pillow – her face was calm, her muscles relaxed. She wasn’t scared.

When Hannibal entered the room, they were both already facing the open door. He smiled at both of them, with the happy Corgi wiggling her tail by his feet. He had a paper bag in his hand, and he placed it on Alice’s bed, next to Will.

“Alice and I were having a little conversation,” Will’s voice was calm too, but he wasn’t relaxed. His hands were shaking, like usual. The presence of Hannibal and Alice in the same room always made him nervous. He didn’t like how the two of them interacted. “Actually, I was apologising”.

Hannibal’s eyes were on Alice now, he wanted to see how she reacted to his apology. Alice smiled fondly, it almost looked real. “We’re okay now. What’s in the bag?”

Nice and curious. Same, old Alice. Hannibal seemed pleased with her reply. “I have a gift for you, to make you feel better” he said and Will detected a spark of actual curiosity in Alice’s eyes. He saw her stretching her neck a little, trying to take a peek of what was inside the bag, like a sneaky cat.

He let Alice put her hand inside the bag, and she revealed what was inside: an old, hand mirror. The frame was golden, its handle was an intricate shaped key.

Alice’s big, green eyes lit up, she seemed to love the present, but when she held it before her face, Will saw her eyes widen for a split second. It was the first time she saw her face after what happened three days ago. Reaching a hand to her bruised cheeks, Alice winced in pain. “This doesn’t make me feel better,” she said, bitterly – without taking her eyes off the mirror.

“That’s very impolite, Alice” Hannibal scolded her, while she was still examining her features. “You’re supposed to accept your gift, and thank me, even if you don’t like it”.

“Oh, but I love it” she said, smiling at him. Will sensed a shift in the woman who was sitting next to him, his stomach twisted into knots, when he heard the British accent. “It just doesn’t make me feel better. Thank you, Hannibal. This looking glass sums up my very existence here: it’s very nice but its only presence just makes you realise how fucked up the world is”.

Frowning, Hannibal took a step forward. Will’s muscles tensed again, he eyed the blonde and then his partner. They were staring at each other in silence.

“Alice…” Hannibal warned her, his voice was calm but Will knew that tone too well.

“Don’t” she scoffed, scolding her head in annoyance. “You know I’m not her, don’t pretend you’re buying my act. It makes both of us look the fools we’re not” she jumped off the bed; without her shoes, Alice was around 12 inches shorter than Hannibal, and yet she looked ferocious. “She’s screaming right now, you know?” a wicked smile appeared on her lips, her eyes sparkled.

Hannibal was looking down at her, his lips were a thin line. Will felt he was sitting between two fires, but he couldn’t move. “What is she screaming?”

“Oh, she’s crying: ‘please, Rabbit, don’t do that! Please, Rabbit don’t be stupid’” she said, mocking a whining voice, then her expression changed and she breathed through her nose, taking a deep breath, before screaming: “ _I am not a fucking doll_!” her roar echoed inside the room, while she hysterically started to undo the braids.

“But you’re certainly crass” Hannibal raised his eyebrows, and stepped back. He sat next to Will, and observed Alice in silence. She was twitchy and sweaty, paler than usual.

When her hair was free, she reached for the mirror again. Will’s heart missed a bit when she went close to the pillow, thinking about what was hidden under it, but she didn’t touch it. She just raised her new present, and smashed it to the ground.

The mirror broke; with heavy breaths, Alice looked like she was trying to calm down now. Her eyes were on the broken shards, they were reflecting her. Thousands of pieces, thousands of Alices. Thousands of voices, inside a tiny body.

Will cleared his throat, and she jerked her head towards him, with a silent question on her lips. “You know,” he started, getting up, “it’s bad luck breaking a mirror”.

Hannibal remained still, and Alice grinned. “Can’t get worse than living with Hannibal the Cannibal” she said, in a childish voice.

Her expression changed again, she closed her eyes and squeezed them, then a little laugh filled the room, and Will’s blood froze. “Mr. _Wabbit_ ’s right. We’re not your dolly anymore”.

Alice’s eyes widen even more, and she stepped back in fear. She bit her lower lip hard and she lowered her eyes. “That’s—” she mumbled, and Will felt a tinge of pain in his right temple, “that’s right. You cannot pull your strings and play with us anymore, sir” she said, quickly and with a tiny mousy voice.

She stepped back again, and almost lost her balance. She opened her arms wide, trying not to fall, and she looked indeed like a puppet on a string.

Hannibal rose, but Alice’s head stayed lowered. When she spoke, her voice was cold and emotionless. Will recognised Alice, again. “Leave me alone, I want to drink my tea in peace”.

Will’s answer was immediate. “It’s cold now, I’m going to make you another cup”.

“When you cut the strings to a doll, Alice” Hannibal ignored their repartee, he was staring into Alice’s eyes, “the doll’s going to fall. Free, yes, but irremediably broken, and possibly with a few missing pieces”.

“Is that a threat?” Alice’s grin was back in place, and so was the British accent. “Because, if it is… I’ll bite your head off”.

Ignoring Alice’s last statement, Hannibal turned his head from Alice. “Let’s go, Will. Alana needs to go out” without thinking too much, Will nodded his head, secretly happy to leave Alice to her demons. Before they could leave, Hannibal stopped in the doorframe, and looked at Alice one last time. “Stay here, we’ll be back for dinner”.

* * *

Alice Carmichael wasn’t an usual woman. She was a lunatic, her personality – or personalities, were atypical. She had a dozen voices inside her head, telling her what to do, and what to say… and, since she was a child, she always considered them her imaginary friends, because she didn’t have any real ones.

Her parents died when she was six years old, by her hands – but not her mind. Her best friend, the White Rabbit, slaughtered them to protect her. Her mum, wasn’t her mum at all, she was actually her aunt, but Alice didn’t know.

When she found out, the fake mother was long dead. She went to an orphanage, where an obnoxious old lady used to call her the child of the Devil… just because the Rabbit told her to push a little girl off the stairs.

Alice found out the hard way that when you break your neck, you don’t get away with a simple booboo. And that when you have your chest stabbed, you can’t simply kiss it better.

She was adopted at the age of eight, travelled from England to America and everything was new. The silly accent the other parents have, slowly became her own; she kept switching from one to the other, just the way she switched talking from the Rabbit to the Hare.

As a teenager her sessions with the long dead Doctor Roberts were more and more frequent. Until the other parents couldn’t take it anymore, and they succumbed to the doctor’s pressure and let her stay in the psychiatric hospital, where the doctors and nurses would take care of her.

Borderline disorder, depression, anxiety, delusions, suicidal behaviour and hallucinations. She read those silly words when she got her hands on the doctor’s notes, one day.

She never attempted suicide. How was she supposed to know that you don’t drink from a bottle that is tagged ‘drink me’?

She met the Hatter there, and he became her first real friend.

They had a lot of fun killing together. He loved her like his daughter. She loved him more than her daddy. They were a beautiful family. Until he died…

Without the Hatter everything seemed easier. Life was more illuminated, the nights were calmer and the days were almost normal.

But what was normality? She questioned herself for a very long time.

Until she met Bedelia. Alice could never have imagined that a person with whom you met in a bar could change your life forever.

Bedelia told her those weren’t just voices in her head, they weren’t her imaginary friends. Those were real people, with real feelings and real thoughts and needs.

Dissociative Identity Disorder, that’s what Bedelia used to call it, her madness. With her, Alice learned to control them, and use them to her will.

Everything changed again, when Alice met Hannibal Lecter. Bedelia had turned her world upside down, but Hannibal turned it inside out.

Alice wasn’t Alice anymore. She was so many people, and it was hard living like that.

Alice killed for him, she talked to him and he listened to her. He seemed so curious to know everything about her, she amused him. He was intrigued by the Hatter too. Alice told him a lot of stories about their adventures.

But she was done with Hannibal and Will; they weren’t fun anymore.


	4. Serial Killer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice finds herself at the Hotel Cortez, will she survive the place?

A little mouse was nibbling at the end of Alice’s dress, while she was sitting on her bed. Hannibal and Will had left less than an hour before, and she still needed time to think about what to do.

“You know,” said the mouse, in a tiny voice, raising his little head and nuzzling his nose against Alice’s leg, “they’re going to eat us for dinner tonight”.

“I know,” her reply was almost bored, her voice languid. She was checking what was inside her backpack.

“They’re going to cut us into pieces” the anxious creature nibbled at her leg harder, and Alice’s heart missed a beat. Was she going to die tonight?

She breathed hard, and exhaled slowly. “Can someone catch this little prick? He’s making me nervous”.

Mr. Mouse squeaked and squirmed, when two big paws got a firm hold on him. The Cat lifted him as if he was weightless and put him in her mouth.

Alice sighed in relief. “Thank you, Cat” she said, getting up and retrieved a big pair of boots from under the bed.

“You could make some money out of that sugar under your pillow, you know, Alice?” purred the Cat inside her ear. “Or…” she caressed her cheek, and licked her face, fondly, “you could pour the whole thing in your tea and drink it” grinned the Cat, as she pushed her head against Alice’s and she purred tentatively. “I bet it’s going to be the sweetest tea you’ve had in your life” she breathed seductively in her ear, again.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Alice put her backpack down, and pushed the Cat to the ground, where she disappeared into thin air. “Are you with me, or against me?”

“I am with you,” said a deep, British voice, “always” her Rabbit, in a dark, elegant suit – the body of a tall man, the big head of a beautiful white rabbit with red eyes, stood before her.

“Good,” said Alice. “But I’m going to need all of you” Alice breathed out. She was pissed, but she knew she needed to be calm. “The last time I tried to leave, the Hare almost killed me”.

The big wardrobe was full of fancy clothes, Hannibal wanted her to dress properly and talk properly, like a lady. She was no lady…

He’d thrown away her old clothes, the only thing she found useful was one of Will’s jackets. She wore it, and looked around. She had no money, maybe she could actually try to sell whatever shit Hannibal was giving her.

Once she put the drug in the bag, it was done. She was dressed, she was ready.

But Will locked her inside her room, as Hannibal told him to do. There was only one way out.

“You’re not going anywhere” Alice snapped her head at the sound of the March Hare’s voice. She didn’t want it to end like the last time. The ugly animal was standing beside the window, his dirty paws were twitching. “We’re staying here, with Hannibal”.

Alice took a step forward and pointed her finger towards him. “You listen to me now,” she threatened him, angrily. “Hannibal Lecter is not the Hatter. Hannibal Lecter is like the stuffed rabbit he gave me… a mere imitation” she said, and the Hare lowered his head, shaking it. He did not reply, so she continued. “Do you remember it? Our beautiful plush? The one we lost before we met the Hatter?” the Hare nodded, nervously. “Nothing’s going to replace it, no matter how similar the replacement is… it may look like it, but the smell would be different, the fur would be different under our touch… no more Hatters…”

“No more Hatters…” the Hare mumbled, his head still lowered, his paws still twitching.

Alice raised an eyebrow. “What did you say? Louder, please”.

“No more Hatters” the Hare repeated.

Alice nodded. “Good. We do _not_ need a new Hatter. We don’t need a new leader. We can take care of ourselves” she took the heavy raggedy rabbit, and she threw it against the window with all the strength she had; the glass broke and the cold air enveloped her – the freezing breeze was almost magical. It smelled like freedom.

She carefully jumped out of the window, thanking the gods they were on the first floor of a dirty anguished street. The alley was almost deserted, there was only a man dressed in very fancy clothes, a few feet away from her, and he was staring at Alice in disbelief.

Using the sleeve of the long jacket to protect her hand, Alice grabbed a big, sharp shard of glass, and she quickly ran towards the man.

“What the—” he seemed surprised when Alice stabbed him in his neck and his blood spayed on her dress and hair. As the man fell to the ground, dying, Alice knelt beside him and checked for his wallet.

“What have you done?” a voice asked her, and she looked up to find a three-eyed figure that resembled herself, with pink and blue hair, looking down at her. The Unicorn seemed very sad.

“I’ve killed a man. What?” said Alice, retrieving the wallet and zipping up the jacket to her neck and pulling the hoodie over her head, to cover the blood.

“You’ve never killed anybody before…” the Unicorn’s third eye was bleeding red tears.

Alice wiped her hands on the dark jacket, and put them in the spacious front pockets. “Well, I’ve decided that nobody’s going to do the dirty work for me ever again. You should be happy, now fuck off – who do you think you are? My conscience?”

The Unicorn disappeared, and Alice left without looking back at the corpse. It was cold, but she didn’t care.

She needed to get as far away as possible. She checked the wallet, she had around 200 dollars cash, and a few credit cards she was totally not going to use – she wasn’t a fool, the Hatter taught her how those things worked.

She was lucky enough to have found the money. Now she needed to catch a bus or something, how far was New Orleans from there?

*

One day, and twenty-two hours, by bus. That’s how far it was.

Fuck New Orleans, then… she didn’t need the Coven, she didn’t need Bedelia. Los Angeles was perfectly fine. She didn’t want to spend two days on a bus full of people.

 Nobody seemed to notice her, she was used to it. She was sitting on a crowded bus, the hoodie covered part of her vision, her backpack was on her knees. She had no idea where she was going.

After an hour or so there were only two people left on the bus, besides her and the driver. An old lady that seemed to have no idea where she was, and a working man who kept checking his phone.

Three stops later, the only company left was the old lady and Alice didn’t like old people. They made her feel nervous, they made her think about death and the eternal darkness. Now that the world was shining again, she didn’t want to think about her own death ever again.

Other people’s death, that was another thing…

 _Can we kill the fat bus driver?_ The Hare was starting to get bored, and Alice could not stand him when he was bored.

“No…” she whispered, and turned her head towards the window. The streets looked all the same, where the hell was she going? What was she going to do once it was only her left on the bus? “My clothes are already soaked in another man’s blood. I say it’s enough for one day”.

Another stop, and the old lady was still on the bus. She fell asleep, actually. Alice had half a mind to stand up and give her a push, just to be sure she was still alive. But she walked to the driver, instead. “Excuse me, sir?” she asked, accentuating her British accent on purpose. “Do you happen to know a place to stay? I don’t have a lot of money, and I need to spend the night in the city, before I catch my plane tomorrow morning”.

The fat driver took a quick look at her, trying to spy under the hoodie, and Alice gave him her best smile. “You travellin’ alone?” he asked, his cheeks turned pink.

Cute, even easier than she thought. “Actually, I came here to visit my mother, but…” she sighed, rolling her eyes, “my stepdad is an idiot, he’s got a stick up his arse… so I’ve decided to leave, but… I have nowhere to go”.

“My last stop is near the Cortez Hotel, with a hundred bucks you should be okay for one night” he said, with a big smile.

Alice smiled back, and put a hand on his shoulder. “Thank you…” she spied the name on the tag, “Jim… you’re really kind. Someone should check on the old lady on the back, she might be dead… she stinks of cats and piss”.

“Oh, no… that’s Stacey” he said, looking at the road. “She kinda lives here, I pretend not to know. She’s going to sleep in here, once the bus reaches the station” Jim explained. “Don’t get too close— what’s your name?”

“D—” she replied, clearing her voice. Hannibal knew her fake identity was Dinah, she had to pick another name, fast. “Dana, my name’s Dana”.

_Fuck…_

_Impressive, really._

“Well, Dana, as I was saying, don’t get too close, or she’ll try to steal something from you” he warned her, trying not to sound too serious.

 _I hope she tries, so I’ll be justified in ripping her eyes out_.

“Rabbit, shut up”.

“What?”

“What? Nothing… I… I’ll go back to my place”.

*

The Cortez Hotel hall was humongous. It was old, big and pompous. It was like the kind of hotel you see in the movies, like the kind of place you know you’ll get lost.

Will decided to watched _The Shining_ two weeks earlier, and Hannibal let her sit on the couch with them. A tinge of nostalgia poked her heart, but she ignored it.

Alana was sitting by their feet, barking when the kid was on the screen. She didn’t like kids.

Memories kept coming back. Will trying to calm her, and Hannibal complaining about the dog. Will picking the dog up by his legs and Hannibal letting him do that. Alice jumping at the sight of the elevator full of blood, asking if they could do something like that, and Hannibal lightly laugh for her question, while Will silently mumbled something under his breath.

She didn’t need them. They weren’t her family. They were probably talking about what kind of wine they were going to drink, while eating her.

With that thought in mind, Alice approached the reception. There wasn’t anybody there, so she rang the bell, just once.

After a while, a woman appeared. She was short and quite stocky, she looked like a toad with a pair of big glasses on her nose. The woman didn’t look very friendly.

“I need a room,” said Alice, kindly and smiley.

The woman seemed to scan her from head to toe, and then she clicked her tongue on her palate. “You don’t say?”

The corner of Alice’s mouth fell slowly and inevitably. “Do you have any vacancies?” it was obviously a rhetorical question, since the hotel was as beautiful as it was empty and quiet.

“Do you have a reservation?”

“No”.

“For how long?” the woman started to check a book in front of her, her eyes went up and down the page.

“I don’t know, one night… for now”.

“I’ll need your name and ID”.

“I don’t have any” her heart missed a beat, but she put her shy smile back on place.

“I can’t give you the room, then” she sounded bored, and she was about to turn her back to her, but Alice stopped her.

“Please, Madame,” Alice almost begged, with teary eyes. “I’m running away from my father, my stepmom hates me, and he beats me… I _need_ a place to stay!”

“I’m sorry for your dad, honey. But no ID, no room” the tag name read ‘Iris’, such a beautiful name on a diabolical woman.

Alice sighed, she searched into her pockets, to see what she had and she found the wallet of the dead man. She opened it, and found his ID. She placed it in front of the woman, who looked at it, and then at her – as if to check if she was the same person. Maybe she was blind.

“You have a dick?” she asked.

Alice rolled her eyes again. “This is my father’s ID. Can I use this? Please?”

“I need _your_ ID… Look, sweetheart, I don’t have the time for—” she stopped, and her eyes went passed Alice.

She turned her back to Iris and the reception, to see a man and a woman descending a big staircase. They were _way_ too elegant for the time of day. Hannibal taught her a couple of things about what to wear and when… Alice had wanted to rip her own eyes and ears out, actually, during those ‘how-to-be-a-lady’ lessons.

The woman stopped in front of the reception, her eyes met Alice’s briefly and she felt her entire body being scanned, from the outside, and the inside. She didn’t like it.

“Are there any problems, Iris?” she asked, but the other woman’s eyes were on the man. He was obviously ignoring the toad-lady, and Alice felt incredibly small.

When Iris was too focused on the man to reply, Alice cleared her throat. “I was asking for a room, but I don’t have any ID here with me… but I have the money” she added, innocently… opening the wallet, to check, and shrugged. “Cash”.

The woman reached her hand towards her and lifted Alice’s chin. Her touch was cold, Alice felt a little shock pass through her body. “Give this nice lady a room, Iris. Then, go and check room 74, there was a mess up there”.

“Yes,” Iris seemed to be back to her senses, but when the man and the woman left, she reached forward, as if she tried to talk to him, with a spark in her eyes – then she decided not to talk, and she looked at Alice again, with dull eyes. “Here, room 42”.

“Thanks” said Alice, with a smile, taking the key Iris was handing her.

*

Walking through those corridors really felt like _The Shining_ , she even saw two kids turn a corner, running. She stopped and closed her eyes, just like Hannibal taught her to do, when she was having hallucinations, and when she opened her eyes, the kids were gone.

She thought she had completely lost her head when, walking past one of the rooms, she smelled Bedelia’s perfume.

Entering her room, she thought that it wasn’t that impossible. That wasn’t just ‘Bedelia’s perfume’ it was perfectly possible for another woman to use the same scent. The idea was upsetting, but it made her feel better about her sanity.

She lowered the hoodie and unzipped Will’s jacket, revealing the dress soaked in blood. In the same instant, an old maid left the room’s bathroom and Alice panicked. She could already see herself killing the maid and dropping her body somewhere near, but she had no weapons… she could push her out of the window…

“My dear!” the woman gasped, looking at her dress.

Maybe she didn’t need to kill her, she could try to explain the situation to the maid. “I— I was hit by a car…”

“You’re one of them?” she asked, confused and Alice blinked several times, even more confused.

“Uhg, duh…” what the hell was she supposed to reply to a question like that? Was that conversation even real? Was the woman another hallucination? By the way the things were going, it was highly possible.

“My dear!” she repeated, and approached her, “Give me that dress, you can’t wear it like that!”

Alice stayed still, was it normal? Was it a normal reaction to a girl covered in blood?

She didn’t know… she had no idea. Probably not, but she wasn’t sure…

She could hear Hannibal’s voice in her head. “When in doubt,” he told her, once, “act just like the people around you”.

Alice smiled shyly. “I— thank you, but I have nothing else to wear…”

The woman seemed broken-hearted. She placed a hand on her chest – Alice really loved her maid uniform, she missed being a maid for the Coven. “Don’t worry, dear. Just give me this dress, I’ll find a new one for you. Take a hot shower, we don’t want to scare the other guests with all that blood, do we?”

“No,” said Alice, starting to take the dress of. “Of course not…” she added, still confused and totally oblivious. She had no idea what the hell was happening, but she accepted it and tried not to ask too many questions, for now. Curiosity had to wait, survival first… for once.

*

A nice, clean dress was placed on her bed when she left the bathroom. It was black and tight, a cocktail dress. She had no idea she could recognise a cocktail dress... Hannibal would approve her choice of words.

Alice take a mental note to thank the maid for the dress, she didn’t even know her name, but she had taste…

She wore it, with her old boots – Hannibal would totally send her back to change those, and she left the room.

Somehow, she ended up at the hotel’s bar, where a weird lady was bar-tendering. She was wearing a sparkling purple dress, the paillettes – was it the right word? Was it even a word? Maybe she made it up… no, she was sure Hannibal used it once – were sending shiny reflections on the bottles behind her.

She was bald, and with a lot of make up on her face. How could she do that? Alice never wore make up, unless Hannibal made her… and she hated it, she hated the fact that she could not touch her face.

“What can I get you, cupcake?” she asked, and Alice had no time to think.

She replied with the first thing that came to her mind. “A— a frozen margarita with strawberry juice, thank you”.

While the weird lady was preparing her drink, Alice took a look around. Several guests were at the bar. Not too many, but more than a few. She realised she had lost interest in strangers. Maybe she was still too concerned about her life.

Hannibal and Will were probably wondering where she was, by now. She left a corpse behind her, just in front of their window. Hannibal was going to be so mad at her, but he couldn’t find her, could he?

 _They’ll leave without me_ , thought Alice. Because it was the only reasonable thing to do, maybe someone would find the body of the man and call the police, maybe they would arrest him and Hannibal. Her fingerprints and DNA were all over the place, but she was a ghost… wasn’ she?

What was she? A ghost? A serial killer? A sociopath?

There she was, in the bar of a hotel, sipping at her drink, with people chatting and getting drunk all around her. And she killed a man, only a few hours before, she washed his blood off her body, she used his money to be there.

He was the first man she’d ever killed without the help of anybody. It wasn’t the Rabbit, the Hare, or the Cat… it was her. She was bonkers, she was a psychopath… a criminal.

Killing people is illegal, it’s wrong, it was totally _not_ normal. But, society often considered not normal, and sometimes illegal what she used to do with Bedelia, so… what was normal, and what was not? What was legal and why?

Maybe she could kill someone in the bar, maybe she could play a little with those men chatting a few stools from her.

She liked it, killing that man. She thought it was just the Hare, but it was her too.

“Here it is, cupcake, enjoy” Alice jumped a little, but smiled, taking a sip from her drink and another wave of nostalgia hit her, this time harder. For a second, she stopped thinking about all the serial killer story, she didn’t even know why… but then, she remembered.

Frozen margarita with strawberry juice… it was the drink she ordered the first time she met Bedelia, in a shitty bar next to a shitty motel. It seemed like ages ago.

Alice smiled sadly to herself, and when she looked up, she almost spilled the drink.

She was sure she’d just seen Bedelia, but… it wasn’t possible, was it?

So she closed her eyes, and then she opened them again – but she was still there… she wasn’t an hallucination. Perhaps…

“Excuse me, ma’am?” she stuttered, with her eyes fixed on the blonde woman at the other end of the bar, and her heart exploding in her chest. “Did you put something weird in my drink?”

“What?” she didn’t seem too pleased, but then she spoke again and this time she seemed concerned. “You okay, cupcake? You’re as white as a sheet”.

“Do you— do you see that woman?” she asked, pointing in the blonde’s direction.

“Blonde, drunk and wrapped in Armani? Yes, she’s a regular” only then, Alice stopped looking at her and stared back at the lady. She was shaking, the lady’s eyes widened a little. “Why don’t you sit down a little? I’ll take this,” she said, and took the drink from her hands, Alice let her do that, because she was more frozen than her margarita.

“She’s real?” she asked the lady, but the question was rhetorical. “I have to talk to her” she said, before waiting for the answer.

“I wouldn’t do that, she’s not very—” Alice didn’t hear the rest of the sentence, because she was already on her feet, walking past the bar, headed towards the woman she was sure to be Bedelia, now.

And once she was standing in front of her, she had no idea what to say.

But she didn’t need to say anything, because when Bedelia slowly turned her head towards the new presence beside her, her eyes widened just a little – while her face remained the same, and the corners of her mouth curled just a bit, and just for a second. “So it _was_ you outside my room…” she simply said, and it looked and sounded like a dream. Maybe it was. “I thought I was just imagining things…”

“How—” no, it didn’t matter how. “I’m sorry,” she said.

“Don’t be. Are you okay?” Bedelia asked, she seemed concerned, and different. She looked different, Alice didn’t know how.

She nodded, taking a seat next to her, and when Bedelia gestured the woman, she reluctantly gave Alice her drink back, filling up Bedelia’s glass of red wine. “I left… I don’t know if they’re looking for me. I don’t care”.

“You’re safe here” Bedelia seemed way more relaxed than she should be, after all that had happened.

Sipping slowly, and trying to focus on something she knew for sure was real, like the taste of sweet strawberries on her tongue, Alice averted her eyes. She could feel the suspicious look on the weird woman’s face.

What if she wasn’t Bedelia? What if she was talking to herself? Could that be possible? “Are you real?” she asked.

The reaction in the woman next to her was peculiar. She reached for her hand, and her skin felt icy cold, but Bedelia put Alice’s thumb on her wrist, and under cold skin, she felt a steady and calm pulse. “Very,” she replied, in a serious tone.

“You’re cold” was the only thing Alice could say, unable to look at her in the eyes.

Bedelia took her hand back, and took a sip from her glass of wine. She said something to the lady that Alice couldn’t quite hear, because she was too shocked, and everything seemed fuzzy. Only when Bedelia placed a hand on her forearm, Alice looked up to find the woman’s eyes looking at her, with a serious expression. “We have to talk”.


	5. Bad Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here we are. It's the end. What could go wrong?

‘Vampitch’ – it wasn’t an actual word, of course, but Alice loved it. That’s what Bedelia was, she decided. A vampire, and a witch. A vampitch.

To be honest, she wasn't surprised by the fact that vampires existed, after everything that had happened to her at the academy, where she died and was later resurrected.

To be completely honest, Alice was kind of disappointed. Vampires had no fangs, they didn’t sleep in coffins, sun would not kill them, mirrors reflected them, garlic and crosses were useless. They weren’t even invulnerable. They couldn’t age, though, and Bedelia told her that the _virus_ , that’s what she called it, was able to let you live forever, and that she would heal faster, if she accepted her gift.

“What—” Alice’s voice was unsure. They were sitting on a couch, in a luxurious suite at the Cortez. It felt almost surreal. She couldn’t believe that Bedelia was actually by her side… and that she was what she was. “What exactly would happen to me?”

Bedelia’s grey eyes had a new light in them. They were different, like everything about her. “The things the virus can do are amazing” she said, with a smile – a real one. They were so rare, since what had happened to her, two years before. “It will heal your wounds,” she said, taking Alice’s hand in her own. It still hurt from being stabbed by the Hare.

“What will happen to the voices in my head?”

“The virus only heal physical traumas…”

“What if some of them go nuts and start killing people because they’re hungry?”

“It has happened before… and not just out of hunger”.

She had a point. “And, if I’m careful… I won’t die? Ever?”

Bedelia slowly nodded. “Immortal, not invulnerable”.

“Yes, I got that…” Alice started biting her nails out of anxiety, and Bedelia stopped her, taking both hands in her own. “How?” asked Alice, trying to calm herself counting the beats of her heart.

“You just need a taste of my blood, nothing you’ve never done before” images of the past, a knife and a night of passion spent together flashed before her eyes. Those weren’t her memories, those were the Rabbit’s, those were harder to remember.

“And you’ll stay with me?” what was the point of living forever, if she couldn’t do that with the person she loved? Survival was one thing, but they weren’t talking about just surviving now.

Bedelia’s eyes darkened, and a cloud hovered over them. “You were the one who left me, the last time…” she said, her voice was empty, but her eyes weren’t.

Alice lowered her head, feeling guilty. “I didn’t want to hurt you… I thought I was dangerous”.

“You were…” Bedelia told her, and then she lifted Alice’s chin with her hand. Their eyes met, and Alice’s breath was caught in her throat. She was so beautiful, and no matter how cold her hands were, her touch would always make her soul feel warmer. “And you still are” the way Bedelia spoke those words made Alice shiver.

“I can’t promise you we won’t try to hurt you”.

“I’m not asking you to…” Bedelia lowered her hand, and she placed it on her own left thigh; she reached a slight protrusion on her prosthesis, and she took out a small blade. “I know… what you’re capable of, Alice” she told her, leaning forward, until the tip of their noses touched, “And I’ve seen…” Bedelia’s breath was unexpectedly hot on her lips, Alice automatically licked her own, unable to stop staring at Bedelia’s, “how hard… you’ve tried to stop”.

“I can’t help it,” Alice breathed out, trying to look into Bedelia’s eyes.

“You cannot deny your nature, Alice” she loved the way Bedelia pronounced her name, a wave of excitement shook her body, and she felt her heart starting to beat faster, then something colder than Bedelia touched her hand, and she realised without looking that Bedelia had placed the blade on her palm. “But I am offering you, a way to justify it” she said, closing her fingers around Alice’s hand, and bringing the blade to her neck, pressing lightly.

Killing for hunger, instead of fun… she would have satisfied the Hare’s thirst for blood, literally.

Wasn’t it how nature worked? She was allowed to kill to eat – that’s what Hannibal told her. And he also told her that she was one of nature’s finest works, once.

Alice closed the distance between her and Bedelia, pressing her lips against the other’s and when Bedelia parted her lips, Alice let her tongue inside her mouth. She tasted the same, of wine and something fruity. As their tongues were rediscovering each other, Alice’s pressure on the blade increased, cutting through the skin, not enough to really hurt her.

Bedelia hissed into the kiss, and the whine turned into a moan when Alice shifted, climbing on the top of her and rolled her hips against hers.

She let the blade go, and replaced it with her hand, while the other went to the backrest of the couch, to support herself. With her fingers now impregnated with Bedelia’s blood, she took her hand away, and brought two fingers to her lips. Alice couldn’t help but grin, at the sight of Bedelia’s pupils dilating when she inserted those fingers inside her mouth, tasting her blood and never interrupting the eye contact.

Unable to do anything else, Bedelia let her arousal to take over, so she leaned forward, pushing Alice against herself by the hip, and kissing her lips furiously. When they both needed air, they shared a look for a mere instant, then Alice dipped her head in Bedelia’s curls, inhaling her scent and kissing her wound, before caressing it with her tongue. She felt Bedelia’s whole body shak under hers, and the grip on her hip tightened.

The taste of her was intoxicating, she started sucking the blood and it started to drip out of her mouth, as Bedelia’s soft moans filled the room. While one hand was firmly keeping Alice in place, the other was on the couch, her fingernails deep in its leather.

When Alice stopped feeding, she dropped her head, and her forehead rest on Bedelia’s shoulder. The hand on her hip was still there, but the other was on Alice’s head, now – caressing her hair, “Nowhere is safe…” Bedelia whispered in her ear, as she was starting to drift off, in a sedated state that preceded the rebirth, “but the truth is, Alice…” she rested her chin on the top of her head, unsure if she could still hear her or not, “we’re both creatures of darkness, you and I. And once we have had a glimpse of it, we won’t ever be able to live without it… and we don’t have to.”

* * *

_If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrariwise, what it is, it wouldn’t be, and what it wouldn’t be, it would._

_I finally understand what my fake mum wanted to tell me._

_There’s nothing strange in a man named March, who plays croquet with the heads of some strangers. Sometimes, he lets me win the game, some other times – when the Countess has been rude to him, he likes to torture me… knowing that no matter how deep he would cut, if he is careful enough, he won’t kill me._

_I don’t mind it, the Cat loves it, and the Hare promised me, “no more Hatters”, but there’s nothing wrong in having another Hare._

_The Countess hired me as a waitress, and Mrs. Evers taught me all her secrets. I love my new uniform!_

_The Rabbit has a best friend too, his name is John and he is a bit like me. Mr. March told me he’s still not ready to accept his Rabbit, though…_

_I hardly hear from the others, actually. Mr. Mouse is a lot braver, now – and he wants me to call him Mr. Lion. He and the Unicorn always fight when I call one, or the other… but, in the end, I think they really like each other._

_There aren’t Queens anymore, I think… democracy won._

_Little Rose is still the same, she loves Bedelia more than anyone else. She also has a best friend, his name is Holden and they spend a lot of time together. She also likes Liz a lot, but Little Rose likes to call her mum. And, to be completely honest, she’s the best mum I’ve ever had._

_Liz shows me how to dress, and sometimes Bedelia doesn’t approve – especially when it involves furs; she also taught me how to prepare and serve a perfect vodka-martini, Bedelia had no course to complain about that._

_The Countess is okay, I don’t know what Bedelia finds in her, but she seems to like her very much. I’m not jealous, I can understand. She made her, just like Bedelia made me. I really like The Countess’ boyfriend, though. He’s a lot of fun, and when Bedelia and the Countess are busy in the bedroom, Donovan and I spend hours watching TV, listening to music or playing videogames._

_Sometimes he gets mad, because the Countess calls him my ‘babysitter’, and when it happens, we usually end up in Sally’s room – she’s a ghost, but she’s a really nice woman. It’s sad, because she always cries, even when we’re high – her eyes are always teary._

_I never met Hannibal again, I don’t know where he is – or Will. Bedelia and I don’t talk about them much, but I secretly hope they’re okay. Maybe they’ve finally found their perfect daughter. One who’s not like me._

_One day, Bedelia was watching the news and she spilled her drink on the Countess’ carpet. According to her, they were talking about Hannibal; apparently, a famous doctor and her wife and son had been missing from Hawaii, or something. Bedelia says they’re never going to find them, because Hannibal and Will had already digested them… but she also said that Hannibal would never harm a child, so I wonder what happened to the little boy… perhaps they adopted him. Too bad Alana never liked children, it’s going to take Will a lot of work, to get her to like the boy._

_It’s weird… life’s always been like a dream to me. The dream was Wonderland and I wanted it to be real. I wanted to get lost in it. But now, I get lost every day in this hotel, and I find new rooms every day._

_So I guess, sometimes dreams do come true, this isn’t a dream. This is reality. This is madness… this is Wonderland._

* * *

_Ten years later…_

 

Leaving the Cortez was a hard choice, but it was inevitable. After the Countess’ death everything was different. They helped Iris and Liz, but when they were done, they left.

Sometimes, they visited their old friends, Halloween night was always a good moment to meet them, when the dead could walk among the living.

Together they travelled the world, killing, drinking and making love… always ready for a new hunt.

Alice and Bedelia entered the bar, it was late but the bar was crowded. They had a long day behind them and all they wanted was something to eat, and maybe some hours of sleep in the cheap motel in front of the bar.

Glass clinking against glass and loud chattering were all Alice could hear, she was used to it. Nothing was different from the night before and the one before that.

She pushed her golden blonde ponytail behind her shoulder and they headed towards the counter.

Bedelia rested her elbows on the hard wood, to relieve her back from the weight of the fake limb, and Alice climbed onto a stool waving her hand at the bartender; he gestured her to wait and when he arrived, she ordered a frozen margarita with strawberry juice for her, and a glass of bourbon for her partner. Then, they started wandering around with their eyes, patiently waiting for their drink to arrive.

There it was… their drink, a young woman at the other end of the counter, she was alone. She looked sad and lonely. Her dress was elegant, her hair was styled in an intricate braid. She looked very out of place.

When the bartender arrived with the drinks, Alice and Bedelia shared a look. They danced the same music every other day. Alice grabbed her margarita, and they clinked their glasses in a muted toast, before they both took a sip.

After the toast, Alice left the stool and headed towards the stranger. Her red hair looked and smelled amazing, even from where Alice was standing. “May I?” she asked, gesturing to the empty stool next to her with a small smile on her lips.

The stranger wore a tag name with ‘Mia Darlings’ on it. She smiled at Alice and nodded. “Of course,” she said, in a kind voice and she took her place on the stool next to hers.

Bright green eyes met shiny hazel ones.

She had cried a lot, it was obvious. Maybe it was a matter of heart, she hoped so – those were the easiest preys.

Alice was trying to ignore Bedelia’s eyes – she could not see her, but her stare was burning at the base of her neck.

Bedelia loved watching her hunting, it excited her incredibly, and Alice knew it. “I’m sorry to bother you, but what are you doing in this bar?” She wanted to make it quick so badly, she even forgot to introduce herself first, but now it didn’t care anymore, because the stranger was already looking at her lips, while she was speaking. “By the look of it, your outfit is worth more than the whole of this place.”

 

_Fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you liked my story. Let me know your opinion and a special thank to Andy, my Beta reader and Diana, my dear friend (whome I would have never met, it it wasn't for this story - bad english, probably - sorry).
> 
> x Lily

**Author's Note:**

> This is the third part of a whole story, but I'm writing this so it can be read by its own. If you're curious to know how Bedelia escaped from Hannibal's menu, and what happened after, you can read my other stories on my profile. :)  
> I hope you'll like this one, let me know!
> 
> x Lily


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